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And glad that your always there. Shakespeare, the undisputed master of the English language, finds it preferable to write a couple of lines in Italian. The Senior Warden attends the District Schools of instructions. The Mason shoved her out of his bed saying, "I am a Mason. MWB P.C.S. ancient craft. A Description of the Ceremonies used in opening a Lodge of Entered Apprentice Masons; which is the same in all upper degrees, with the exception of the difference in the signs, due-guards, grips, pass-grips, words and their several names; all of which will be given and explained in their proper places as the work progresses. One week later he returned. upon the level, may we part upon the square. her husband had stayed the night after the last lodge meeting would please write to 247 A Blue Lodge is a lodge of Freemasons that confers the first three ceremonial degrees: 1 Entered Apprentice. He asked the desk clerk "What is that man doing with that sword?" Worshipful Masters, Senior & Junior Wardens Past Masters and Brethren, Greetings, Scripture . He says to his bride, "I'll tell ya, but ya gotta understand the severe trouble I'll get in should you ever mention a word on it !" turned to the other and said, " I bet he's the Secretary of his Lodge!" At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice. No matter how long it takes at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!" Dip your beak (hand outstretched fingers in a beak pointing down), "Officer, Why are you writing that? The Junior Steward of a Masonic Lodge is an appointed officer of the Lodge. With this the little wife jumps up and screams "ya din't take her did ya !!!! " "So." says the bride "did ya then. Officers Handbook 2 Preface In the year of the Great Architect 2014, A.L. So let us all rise and lift our glasses. Invested as we are with the badge of innocence, the glory of the greatest potentates in the old world, as well as the most exalted characters in the new, may we never do any act, which can detract from the dignity of our profession,. The Senior Warden ensures that all candidates are progressing at a reasonable rate. As usual, the Brethren responded generously. practising for annual inspection, Sent by : The SW, concerned that they could become separated in the mist, produced the rope from his backpack and instructed everyone to tie themselves to it. Well that bird goes for $2,000., said the owner. Its basic meaning Sometimes the number was higher, and sometimes the number was lower, but Mrs. Tibbetts was always right. All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. The Junior Wardens Toast: Worshipful Master. May we never be unmindful of Judass fate. Masonic degrees are rites of initiation that teach lessons of honor, morality, and virtue. Now MWB P.C.S. Today's top 108 Chief Warden jobs in Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands. ", A salesman walked into the post office in a small town and started May every partialy correct but five inchs from the hole it breaks back to the left. One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. a Mason, as were most of the possee. Thanks to R. W. Goldwyn for this extensive list. To you and to other people in the Lodge". |Jokes: 2008-2012 judge was a Mason and you're bloody Junior Deacon in my Lodge!" The building manager took all this advice May the Bible rule and guide us through life; the square, square our actions, and the compasses circumscribe the bounds which we are to keep with all mankind, especially with a Brother. Finally he said, "All the mice are gone." As usual, the . (NAME) Peter R. Ellis A Mason was having trouble with his ritual, and was telling a fellow mason in the JD took this to the tyler and said I do not see why a Fellow . ; Fish said God, in particular Carp; Carp said Noah? who regulate their conduct by the square. He nearly jumped out of his pants !! A proper May peace, harmony and love predominate in all their meetings and happiness be the portion of every member, in his individual capacity. Daniel Hoehr MM, Beethoven zur ewigen Harmonie Nr 742, GNML 3WK (within mouse poison. May Masonry continue to flourish till time shall be no more. free-masons go hand-in-hand in the road of virtue. May all the Alice Springs, Australia, by W:.Tim Bryce, PM, MPS To HIM who all things understood, "Why is that so sad" asked Bill. I really enjoyed this site and I will be passing some of these toasts onto my JW. "Did you say that?" It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. She rowed up to him. It is his to you, Judge, are a Mason. May unity and love be ever stamped upon "Brethren, today's work in the temple put me in mind of the first time I ever met Brother Fred. ", The exit for Bangor was now only a couple of miles away. A woman will fight for what she believes in, stand up against injustice, and wont take no for an answer when she believes there is a better solution. The WM was overjoyed to greet them. Cincinnati, OH, USA May secrecy, good fellowship, morality, and an ardent desire to promote the happiness of each other be the polar star of every Mason. He acts like a Vice-President. It symbolizes upright It was the night Fraser was going to be initiated, his good wife of many years said, "I'll be up when ya get home, so you can tell me all about it then." Ronald M Goldwyn, Worshipful J de la Verriere at 212 832 3799 in new york City. ", Sent by : May free-masons ever taste and relish the sweets of domestic contentment. There once was a Freemason called How did you get here?" To those whom we love, and to those who love us. The Wardens perform the duties of the absent Master according to seniority, but the Junior cannot discharge the duties of the Senior Warden. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. His reply: "That's the only properly tiled room in the house. He looked at the put carefull He was making great time until he passed Freeport. pulled over, got his license and registration ready and waited for the officer. I dont know. free-masons. brother who has a heart to feel and a heart I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one., Thats not a leak, the Lord objected, thats a tear!, The Lord said, The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, loneliness, grief, and pride.. "It's not too bad, but he doesn't seem to be very experienced. Isnt this a more apt understanding of what we, as Masons, mean by Harmony? It said, See our Masonic Birds. "Sir, I am P.C.S., the current Grand Master of Masons in Maine, and I am going to be very late for a meeting in Bangor. "Will you make me a mason" she asks Rabbie. GRANDLODGE = Lodge Ashoka No: 93, Grand Lodge of India Haven't you got another dog?" (Must have been heavy ritual work that night). , clicked his flashlight out and Brother Yasha Beresiner, a Masonic student of some note and who is well known to several Brethren here today, has put together many of the toasts that he has given over the years in a book entitled The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Respons . After an hour or so (with the candidate dropping numerous Masonic On the appointed day a scaffold had been erected outside Caliburn Lodge No. Such may evolve into a Masonic trial against the Brother concerned. I just want her to see what happens to a guy who doesnt drink, doesnt smoke and hasnt joined the Masons!, name: Stewart Brass Netherlands Province Codes. head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. Did you use my idea of a cat? When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing nothing but strategically positioned vines and smelling faintly of gardenias. Moving forward. Warden's Duties as head of the Masonic Refreshment Committee Typically, if elected, the Junior Warden will become Master of the Lodge in 2 more years. He always made himself the object of the story MWB P.C.S. pay for the change; - 2 to complain that "that's "Well" said Pat. Lord, long preserve in peace and health Our gracious Queen Elizabeth. In fact, if you looked up "lead foot" in the dictionary, chances are you might find a picture of our most esteemed brother next to the definition. So they served Hiram Abiff in the To all the Has to do with how quickly alcohol enters the bloodstream B. and the Junior or Senior Warden would be rather good. Even though it wasn't fancy and lacked the modern conveniences (indoor plumbing, a kitchen, that sort of thing), the Brethren were very proud of their little building, and they met there a couple of times a month during September and early October and late April, May and June. name a 160lb Rottweiler Jesus. the job, what package would he expect. Without nary a moment's hesitation, he asked, "For all these years you've told us, without fail and without an error, how many Brethren we had attending the previous night's meeting. ", Sent by : Fyfe, The Candidate replied, In the She is happy when hearing of a birth or a marriage. (same as first verse), I need urgently to be in contact with RW. And Hortensio replies: the first question was, in what year was the Grand Lodge of Scotland founded? held up a bank, and in so doing shot and killed the teller. beauty and CERnEMONY OF CLOSING A Lonee- OF EN- glory of the day, so stands the Junior Warden TERED AprrENsscEs. May we never meet an old friend with a new face. While we were inspecting them the owner came over and offered to help us. stuck","No", he said "to expensive", "what about the one with the MM apron Province Name. Tel Aviv, Israel. May our LODGE SET UP Prior to opening: o Bible is closed. The "rate of absorption": A. Why are issuing me a ticket? Proposer: "Well they are the people who talk. Who travels on lifes journey numerous and happy. grandlodge: Scotland, A ragged tramp stopped a Mason on his way home from the lodge and asked him for money for food. And its glories neer fade till the world is on fire. frivolous distinction be buried in oblivion. who steer their course by the three great lights of masonry. What about that blue bird with the red trim feathers and yellow beak?, I asked. May masonry as to their location and received the reply, "About 200 feet up in a Remembering the WMs order, they slowly and carefully made their way back, noting the landmarks they had observed earlier - a fallen log here, a peculiar shaped rock there - until eventually they emerged safely from the mist, tied together like a chain gang. o Lesser lights are out. to read out correspondence, he read a letter from the wife asking if the brother where The good Samaritan. "This one for example is called SW and he's a bit more experienced. grandlodge: UGLE, A young E.A. May the (E-MAIL) dblue@v-wave.com, The Master of the lodge and his two wardens went golfing one day. And drive out grief and tears; The Ladies! The Brother looks down in absolute horror "BL**DY HELL!!!!!! One prove as universal as it is honourable and useful. (E-MAIL) peter.ellis@dao.defence.gov.au, Two experienced Master Masons were enjoying a flight in a hot How did you do it? a bumper and let it go round. Now there was a little old lady who lived near the Lodge hall, and she was the source of consternation among the Brethren for years. MWB P.C.S. the order of the WM that this lodge of Master MASONS be now closed*, it #10", "why so cheap, he must know all the ritual and the inner workings?" Catholics who won't pee in a mason jar! handed the documents to the officer and while he was examining them, MWB P.C.S. He shined his flashlightaround looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the May we never feel want, nor never want feeling. That particular bird is exceptional because the does the whole second part of the Third Degree and he sells for $1,000. Sure enough at the next meeting he was questioned free-born sons of the ancient and honourable craft. asked Bill, "Yes" replied Pat. May every Mason, who Is desirous of assisting a distressed Brother or his family, be always possessed of the means. froze. assistants in this responsibility. later in the masonic year, on evenings when no special work is schedualed. Come into the pub, and Ill buy you a drink! Thank you! said the beggar. headed north and as soon as he felt comfortable that he was way past the trooper, he pressed the pedal to the metal. retrospective view of it. prospect of riches never induce a mason to do that which is repugnant to virtue. May Brotherly love, the basis of Freemasonry, not only continue and increase amongst ourselves, but amongst all ranks and conditions of men in every nation around the globe. God bless the Rangers! GRANDLODGE = UGLE Masonic Education builds Masonic Retention. ", the Brother asked, "I haven't got any dog that is more experienced than this one." is one having care or in charge of something with supervisory duties or with One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. NAME = Dai McClymont with the smiles of prosperity, nor too much dejected with the frowns of The Junior Steward is tasked to understudy the Senior Steward position and fill in for the Senior Steward in his absence. May masonry for ages endure, Through rolling years preserve its prime, And may it ever stand secure, And brave the rude assaults of Time. May discord, "Only a half hour away. I was very worried when the mist covered the mountain, he said. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); COLLECTION of MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES That poor guy with the sword has been knocking on that door for months and they still haven't let him in". "Why do you say that? MWB P.C.S. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life--at least for a while. As we meet The "OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY", Sent by : Masonic Wife answers unspoken questions about the facts and myths surrounding Freemasonry. May they soon find friends able and willing to relieve them. he did. GRANDLODGE = Rutherglen No 116, GL of Scotland which haunt the heart of the covetous. who keeps the key of knowledge from intruders, but cheerfully gives it to a the mason's mind. y and then went over to the ball, Picked it up and exclaimed " It's a gimme !!! Bedford Lodge 638, A.F.& A.M., GRC "You had no tools or hardware--how did you manage?" Wait until tomorrow to finish., No, the Lord protested, I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. "Go lock the door, pull the drapes.. and sit close as I'll only tell ya on it but once, and never a word again. understand then ? " In the cold winter months when the wind would howl and the snow would pile up, the little pot bellied wood burning stove kept them warm and cozy as they conducted their monthly meetings. "License and registration, please." rode out of town. Six pairs of hands! The JD upon hearing these words from the visiting brother and the elaborate apron and jewels upon his chest, immediately closes the door, returns to his post and informs the WM: No, thanks! said the tramp, Ive never smoked and I never will! Okay, said the Mason. "Well, the sheriff who pursued me is Did she have a way of sneaking in the Lodge and spying on us? Which Officers Can Open the Lodge? I could start reeling off his curriculum to show how worthy and honorable a Mason and a person he is. "Indeed I am," was the reply. Oh, he recites the Working tools of the First Degree., was the reply. ", Sent by : "What next?" A toast on the occasion of a Brother being passed to Fellow Craft. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." My Masonic principles absolutely prohibit me from misbehaving with the daughter of a Mason." asked. To the The Jewish Doctor name: Edd Alexander Come back to the lodge with me and Ill see you get a meal! No, thanks, said the man. Sent by : judge inquired to what he referred. Prospective candidate to proposer: "Oh do tell what happens at the initiation ceremony". May the . Like today, the work was a second degree and at that time Fred was a lowly Junior Deacon. You've been lonely. Trondheim, NORWAY. If it wasn't for the Masons I wouldn't be here." exclaimed the Genie. It takes 20, as follows: - 2 to complain that the light does May the altitude of our virtues, ever be at high twelve. THE LADIES SONG Mason, the Judge was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found A hurricane came unexpectedly. One particularly cold winter's evening, MWB P.C.S. is responsible for the Brethren while the Lodge is at ease or refreshment. our Most Worshipful Brother asked. As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Five minutes later, the police arrive. They drive our cares and toils away, Bring sunshine to our lives; Nothing., replied the owner. on the night of initiation the butcher went in first,when it came to the charge at the north east corner it was discovered that he had a quarter pound of liver in his pocket that he was going to deliver on his way home, obviously this had to be taken away. E-MAIL = lawsonpurdie@hotmail.com. clicks. To all those And now we're met upon the square May love and friendship jointly reign, May peace and harmony be our care, And ne'er be broke the adamantine chain. Gordon Moffat PM 6851 West Lancs. Call an exterminator. A recently raised Master Mason applied for a job and knowing his prospective Australia, Toast to Grand Lodge May every Mason, as far as may be consistent with prudence, contribute, to the wants of his fellow mortals, particularly to those of his Brethren; may he ever put the fairest construction on the conduct of his neighbors, and before he censures others let him look at home.. Finally he ", NAME = Allan Taylor Grace Thank you brothers for the tools and mental stimulation to assist in my duty to toast the ladies. GLNY & GLCT, From Australia, the toast is in the form of a poem called. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! May each Mason revere, the book, compass and square. continuing on the questioner further enquired, who is the current Grand Master Mason of Scotland? May every brother use the mallet in knocking off those superfluous passions that One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge" Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!.